Sweet Dreams

It's funny how our brains work out our problems in our dreams. There have been many a dream that I wake up and have felt relief from the hectic life I have. Sometimes I wake up even more angry with the person than when I went to bed, or I'll wake up super anxious, almost as if the issues didn't solve themselves. But I love the days I wake up and everything seems right in the world. Dreams have a funny way of giving you false hope. But any hope and security is good with me.
The past few nights I have been up late into the wee hours. I don't really get what's going on that I can't sleep. It's like a combination of the temperature of my room, things that are weighing on my mind, knowing that certain people will be on if I am up a little later than normal, and who knows what else. My dreams have been amazing though. Things that I haven't told anyone are popping up and in a way causing me to face those demons. Whereas they aren't the most pleasant dreams, they are helping me build up my happiness.
After having a conversation with my mom on something that happened when I was barely 3 years old made me dream about what happened. When I was about 3 years old my dad was taking my siblings and I to McDonalds or that's where we ended up. I remember my dad ordering a beer through the drive through. We were in a truck that had a bench backseat. We were all still in car seats. David was behind the drivers seat I was in the middle and Stacy was behind the passanger seat. Stacy was wearing a pink and white jumper like outfit. (Its funny the details you remember when everything is so vague.) We pulled forward to the next food and within seconds someone was opening up the truck door. And was asking me if I knew how to unbuckle my seat belt. They had already gotten Stacy out of her carseat and were starting to reach across to me when my dad took off. The next thing I know we are at a gas station and the police are there. My dad is screaming about how they kidnapped Stacy, and was being arrested for DUI. While waiting for my mother to come get us the Police let us play with sirens and gave us teddy bears with white shirts that had red writting on them. I refused to leave my seat but David and Stacy had a blast. During that time I remember seeing a big black cat walking along a fence.

Now this memory is mildly fuzzy but that big black cat I had always attributed to being too young to really know what was going on. But come to find out that the man who lived at the house that the fence was had a mountain lion it all made sense. I wasn't insane! Such sweet happiness comes from knowing your memory wasn't playing tricks on you. I have many odd memories like this one. A lot of them are traumatic and too personal to share, even with my closest friends. But when I sleep and dream of these things I wake up more sure that I am fine and that all this craziness in my life has made me who I am. Quirks and all.
Thankfully, I have friends who understand that the past molds us, but that we can break that mold and be something awesome unlike the world has seen.

Well, its 2:30 in the morning, time for me to dream once more. Geeze, who needs therapy when you can sleep. Some think my love for sleep is a sign of depression... Maybe so... but at least its amazing sleep! <3 br="br">
Love Always,
Camford.

Sundays = awesomeness

No matter how you spin it. This world is insane in most every way.
I have noticed that I get the weirdest looks when I twirl around in a long skirt at church. Apparently that is an uncommon thing in a YSA ward. But let's be honest with ourselves. Twirling in a long skirt is fun, and makes you feel like a kid. There is a reason little girls do it all the time. So I don't see why there would ever be a problem with it.
The other thing I have noticed is after a while people will grow on you. Or you will grow on people... See there is this person in my ward who is older and quiet. And I was informed they are super shy and hard to get to know. Well after months of small conversations and corny jokes you finally have real conversations and can share news with each other without it being too awkward. I am enjoying this relationship/friendship. Nothing may ever come of it but that won't stop me from being all up in there every step of the way.
I love how friendships will develop.
I will write more later, I had a thought and it went away. Something about how awesome friends are, and how weird looks I get from people walking by.. ya know what I will rethink and rewrite.. but time to post. otherwise ill forget.
-cambria