I guess I am just frustrated. When someone tells you one thing then you find out the other. As if telling the truth is so hard to do. Especially when they expect you to trust them. And to make matters worst you care so much you don't want to ruin what seems like a good thing.
Family life has been crazy the past 2 months. Mom was in and out of the hospital, and on top of that I have/had some of my sisters friends staying at our house. (their move out date is tomorrow) It has been one of the most stressful times of my life, but I have noticed that the help you want won't always come. And a lot of unwarranted help will come regardless of you accepting it. Not that there is anything wrong with someone wanting to help but when it becomes pushing and added stress I start to resent it. I get the "I can handle it all, leave me alone" attitude. Which is far from what I should be saying.
Then you add in the fact that all you want is a friend to validate your feelings of stress even though they have no idea how to handle any of it, because the stress of what you are going through is beyond your or their years, is a little hard to come by. Everyone has lives and at times you feel like you are being left behind in the dust holding onto what you may never have.
Oh and don't forget you are dealing with traumatic events that happened in your life as a child that you have pushed far back into a corner of your mind. But while you have been stressing over bills, and your sanity, those thoughts and feelings surface in a way that makes you shut down completely.
But then you realize that the things you deal with are just this mountain that you must climb. And when you get to the top you see how beautiful the world really is. All the wonders that you don't see when you stress the small stuff. Heck, when you stress the big stuff the small stuff that are important become impossible to see and you lose the beauty.
Thankfully life does get better eventually.
