I felt like this year was full of heart break and sadness. Some of it good and a lot of being bad.
So many people left for missions! Which devastates me in ways that are both joyful and sad. In Feb. 2 of my favorite missionaries left.
Elder Evan Dowden and Sister Lyn Clayton both left in Feb! Which left me mildly heartbroken. By the time Elder Dowden had left to serve his honorable mission in Brazil I had become quite attached to him. He had become one of my best friends. In a way that no other had done before. We hadn't known each other very long or spent a lot of time together but he understood how I worked and how to joke with me. It was an odd friendship that I can not wait until he is back in a year so that I can give him the big hug that I have been waiting to patiently to give him.
And then there is Sister Clayton. Oh how I miss that girl. She is serving out in New York right now but her mission is actually Salt Lake City Temple Square mission. Which is one of the most amazing missions a sister could ever serve in. Today is her birthday in fact. And I miss her to death! She sends the most wonderful responses.
Later in the year Nearly ALL of my Chula Vista girls left to serve missions. Miranda, Kate G., Stephanie G. and a whole bunch more.
And then Stoker left for Texas. Stoker leaving for his mission had to be one of the hardest goodbyes I have ever experienced. I am pretty sure when I got home from saying goodbye I cried for a good amount of time.
Stoker was the glue to our group of friends. He was a gift that's for sure. He had this way that made him easy to talk to. Sometimes we had conflicting opinions and views but because of his patience and willingness to compromise we have developed a grand friendship. I miss him so much. He has only been gone a short while but so much has happened since he left. I know he is serving Texas to the best of his ability and beyond that. I just know that he is being thousands of souls to the Gospel and that makes me so happy and proud to say he is a friend of mine.Before he left we had a "family portrait" and It is one I have framed and look at almost daily.
We had such an interesting family. And now Diana is leaving this feb. for Bolivia. And Matthew has started going to a different ward. Sarah goes to the deaf branch with Buggy (or from what I have been told) so Its time for a new family. Which is what I guess I hope I can succeed in getting this new year.Because of some of the trials I have been through this year I know that family is important. My mom was touch and go these past few months. And after much discussion of what I would do if she were to expire anytime soon I have realized I need to stop being unrealistic and get my act together. Starting with dealing with my depression. (which I have been slacking on.) I was seeing a therapist for some things that had happened when I was younger. And by younger I mean from the time I was 2 until I was about 12 or 13 years old.
Not a lot of people know that I am a survivor of childhood rape. If that's even what you could call it. My dad would molest me and rape me on a near daily basis. And because of this I had a very ... interesting teenage years. I in no way was one of those people who pull away from society. I had an emptiness that needed to be filled. I did things I shouldn't have done. I had lost all my self worth and lied to myself along with everyone I knew and held dear to me. But I had no idea what I was doing was lying. I felt dirty and was ashamed. Up until after my dads death I hadn't told anyone. No one had needed to know. But now that I am dealing with it I feel ashamed that I hadn't felt comfortable enough to tell anyone.
However, now that I have come to terms with things I realize that I am a stronger person because of it.
I don't remember where I heard this analogy but Children are like fine pieces of glass. Our parents sometimes smudge them and chip them, and sometimes they break. But they are still glass. And Where has glue doesn't completely fix the glass it can hold it together well enough that it can be used and not leak. Funny thing about glass is that sometimes the imperfections can make it look beautiful. (take into considerations those gorgeous stained glass windows..)
Anyway, back to topic. Finally this year is coming to an end. Here's to hoping 2012 is not the end of the world, friendships will be strengthened and not broken, loves will be found, happiness will be spread, and that the Gospel will reach the world that so desperately needs it!
I love everyone who has come into my life this past year. It has been a hard one and I appreciate all the slack I have been given. One day you will all realize how much you mean to me.
-Cambria
This was actually an interesting read. Here's hoping 2012 is better than 2011. And here's hoping forgiveness can reach everyone who had done stupid stuff.
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